My Future My Life

2012-02-04T19:33:00.001+08:00

Thx for shouting at me while azan...
Ur such a great example..
So proud of u...

Papa...
Tis home is such a hell to me...
Everyone is so offensive towards me..
Papa..
Pls don't leave me...
Papaaaaaaa.....
:(

2012-02-03T23:31:00.001+08:00

Papa...
I'm so sori...
I can't b the best daughter for u...
Everyone in e house r not helping me..
I've been failing my test..
My mind r alwys in a mess...
Evrymint I keep thinking abt fam stuff..
I think abt Ibu, Syukri, home, financial, n even grandparents..
Papa..
I'm not ready for all tis..
Dere was no choice left..
Papa...
Tdy I let out my sorrow n pain n I breakdown infrming of Syukri..
I feel sorry for him..
Coz being a 11yr old boy..
He shdnt hear all tis..
Papa...
I'm sori...
Things in e house r making me insane... I'm sori papa...
I'm jus to tired of everything..
Papa... *Hug* :'(

2012-01-30T22:29:00.001+08:00

Papa..
I fail my exercise course..
Another failure..
Y must I alwys have to learn e hard way..
Y is everyone doing so well while I have to take a longer way to success..
Last time was o level result..
Didnt make it den went for retaking it..
End up no different.. Still a failure..
Den no choice went to ITE..
Manage to proceed for diploma but wif GPA 3.5 which I'm supposed to get 4 instead..
I cant even focus coz I lost u papa.. U left me...
Now I'm in SP.. N GPA was bad..
Not getting things rite.. Not being e best.. Everything was bad..
N now another failure..
Papa..
*Hug*

2012-01-23T11:38:00.001+08:00

Papa..
Last time..
Home was everything to me..
Wanting u everyday by my side..
Karaoke with u wenever I'm bored..
But now..
Home wasn't e thing I wanna look forward to..
Ppl in e house r making me like a slave..
Watever I did for dem was a piece of shit!!
Papa..
Only u noe how I feel every single day..
I remember e eve of hari raya wen I was told to mop e house at midnight.. Everyone sleep happily on their bed only me n papa was still up..
This was what u said to me..
Papa: it's ok.. Jus do watever ur mom wants.. Nvrm.. I will accompany u..
(he sat at e couch till he fall asleep)
Me: (whispering to him) papa.. I'm done..
Didn't realise he heard it..
Papa: ( rub my head) its ok.. Go sleep k..
This is Wat he did till e day he left me forever..
Papa.. *Hug* no more love left for me..

2012-01-22T06:14:00.001+08:00

Papa..
I want him badly papa..
I'm left wif him in tis world
Who understand who I am
Papa...
*Hug* :(

2012-01-08T06:03:00.001+08:00

Papaaaa!!!
Its our 9 YEARSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
I'm loving e way we r damn much...
Eventhough at times deres pauses..
But his being a great man to me!
Nothing much I can ask from him..
E respect, e love n e care I get from him was priceless papa..
Yeah true! We r unlike other couples..
Being unique was who we r!
Papa...
HAPPY 9YEARS ANNIVERSARYYY!!!

2012-01-05T22:41:00.001+08:00

Papa...
Ur lost hv totally change me internally..
I've nvr been e real me for e past 2years..
I've been thinking n doing stuff for e sick of other ppl's happiness..
Eventhough I've realise it.. But I don't hv a choice papa..
Everyday Ive been bringing back tears n sorrow to my life..
No matter how hard I tried to look good n happy.. It's seems that I'm trying to hard n forcing myself,
Whereby my heart doesn't feel e happiness I wanna share..
Papa.. Iv nvr been soo weak n hopeless like tis before..
At times I jus lead my way without a direction..
Ya Allah!! Pls give me ur guidance..
He hv been trying his best to bring me up.. But I'm not ready to push myself up yet..I don wanna disappoint him.. Pls Allah.. I don't wan him to think I'm super hopeless for his entire life..
Pls Allah.. Give him e patience to endure wif my situation now..
Pls Allah.. Give him e strength n e love he has for me.. His e only one I can depend on for my happiness in e up cuming years..
*Hug* papa..

2011-12-31T01:43:00.001+08:00

Papa..
2012 is cuming..
N we gonna turn 9years in 7 days!
Papa..
As we grew older..
Each of us have our own things to commit..
To ensure tat we have our own dreams achieved with our hard work..
Papa..
As times goes by..
We r getting much further away..
We rarely meet up unlike other couples..
But I'm sure his love r still strong like before n I trust him..
Papa..
Setting goals n resolution for our future has been a routine for others once reach new year..
But to me..
It's e THINGS TO DO once new year comes..
Papa..
Myb I can't be e best for him..
Being e best girl for him..
UnAble to do Wat other Gerls can do..
But papa..
I'll b dere wenever he needs me..
Eventhough he don't realise it..
I'll nvr stop doing e things I love to do specially for him..
Papa..
I make sure he is deadly in love wif me..
I will try n pray for it..
Papa..
Pls keep accompany me everynite..
Coz no matter how this world have change..
I strongly believe my love for u doesn't change for e rest of my entire life..
Papa..
I wish all e best for us..
N hope we improve n change as an adult for a better life.. *Hug*

2011-12-30T01:53:00.001+08:00

Papa..
2012 is gonna b here soon..
Papa...
I gonna make sure tat my love will
Nver change..
I've promise to keep it secure in my Heart!!
I won't let anyone touches his heart..
If he does change his feelings...
I make sure that i make him deadly in l love wif me...
Papa..
I've gave all my love for him!!
N I noe i love him eternity!!!! Will alwys be for e rest of my whole life..

2011-12-30T01:17:00.001+08:00

Ur such a bad gerl seh anah!!!
Watch ur mouth n ur words!!
Ur way too much!!!
Damn me!!!

2011-12-24T00:24:00.001+08:00

Papa..
1 year hv past..
Tdy was e 2nd year I live without u,papa..
Papa..
U left me wen I reached 21..
21 bdy was Wat every gerl dream to have a huge celebration wif frens n fam..
Having e freedom of being an adult..
However.. I don't have any of tat..
I spent my whole nite seeing ur pics m putting it by my side till I fall a sleep..
Papa..
Ppl alwys tot tat losing a father is a common thing to happen..
Papa..
For me ive lost my life wen I lost u..
No1 was dere to support me m understnd how I feel everyday..
Not even Ibu or sibs..
Papa..
U make me n turn me for better..
Papa..
U r e only one in e world tat noes who I am papa..
My life have been full of misery..
But for u.. I will keep putting up e smile jus for you..
Eventhough is kills me deeply inside..
Papa.. I hate being e eldest..
But Myb deres a reason I born earlier to tis fam..
Papa..
I need u every nites, days, years, months, hours, mins, secs...
Papaaaaaaa.....
*Hug*!

2011-12-21T00:30:00.001+08:00

Papa...
I breakdown in e train for e 1st time..
I reli miss 2 lovely man in my life..
U n him...
Papa..
Tnite I went out n spent time wif my fren..
My sadness was kept deep inside despite of E smile n e laughter I had for dem..
I was alwys surrounded wif sweet couples and lovely dad by my side....
Y is it have to happen wen my 2 men was not wif me..
Papa..
I jus miss e two of u soo much at I'm reli afraid of losing him.. I've lost u but ur heart n soul r wif me papa..
Papa..
I wanna spent time wif sm1 but at times..
I jus don't even noe how to strt..
Papa..
Since young, all I have was u..
My teenage life was all abt him till now..
Papa..
I miss u n him deeply..
*Hug* papa.. Zi... *Hug*
;'(

2011-12-18T20:50:00.001+08:00

Papa.. I jus end my responsibility for dem n e event..
Papa..
It's e 1st time I contribute smthing to e fam...
Being a photographer for a wedd was a big step for me..
eversince u left me, wedd was e most hardest part of my life in attending dem..
Seein everyone of dem wif their lovely complete family by their side.. Sharing e happiness and chit-chatting all day long..
But papa..
Tdy I fight my feelings.. I did stay truout e whole wedd.. Taking photos of each families was damn hard.. It kills my heart deeply.. Stoping my tears b4 it's keeps rolling down non-stop wasn't an easy task..
Papa..
Every minits I saw u tru my eyes..
Eventhough I felt lonely n weird n having an uneasy feeling truout e event, u r dere smiling seeing me doing for someones favour wif sincerity..
I hope I look great for tat day despite of all epics happens..
Papa..
I won't let anyone bring our family down wen ur not arnd.. I'm gonna do watever it takes to bring back e happiness in our family like u alwys do papa...
Papa..
U will nvr imagine how strong I am..
Even wif e presence of my tears..

2011-12-17T22:02:00.001+08:00

Papa..
Dey don't noe me at all papa..
Even though it's been years..
But dey still doesn't noe who I reli was..
Papa...
I wan u back papa..
Papa... Pls.....
:'(((
Papaaaaaaaa..... *Hug*

2011-12-16T12:00:00.001+08:00

papa....
at times i jus feel..
i dont even noe wat im doing in life..
every movement i did...
every step i take..
every decision i made..
im like doing it without any directiion...

ppl tend to say..
ive been too good to ppl which i dont even realise myself tat sm ppl r taking advantage of me..
but i cant change of who i am coz i was born tis way.
ppl do say tat Allah will love ppl who do good stuff to others..
like he love papa more den i do..
so, once Allah love me..
imsure ppl arnd will rmmbr my good deeds..

im happy and thankful for having u in my life..
Even wif minimal meetups n my imperfection..
deres nvr at times or for once u make me feel uneasy being in ur company..
NEVER!!!
u hv accepted me and welcome me wif sincerity..
i thank god for all e wonderful mmts in friendship for e past years..
u ppl are well kept and will alwys be in my minfd till the end

2011-12-14T23:59:00.001+08:00

Papa..
I can't papa..
Anah tk Bolee...

*Hug* :'(

2011-12-11T07:38:00.001+08:00

Papa..
Dey push me away..
Dey say I'm not good enough..
Dey say I didnt meet their expectation..
Dey say I'm not wealthy enough for him..

Papa.. If all this r true..
Y in e first place set accepted me..
If reli I'm not Wat dey r looking for..
His let me go..
I noe he deserve better..

Papa.. It's ok..
I'm still e best for u rite..
:'( *hug*

2011-12-08T23:49:00.001+08:00

Happy 8years 11mothsary!!!!!!!!

2011-12-07T00:06:00.001+08:00

Papa..
His leaving for a
Complete 9 months for his training..
Papa..
It's hard for me to endure another month w/o him by my side..
N wenever I need him..
Papa..
His doing it for e future..
N I trust him papa..
Looking at a brighter side..
I'm sure my patience n all e waitings I've done..
Will pay off rite papa..
He will always be in my prayers..
Goodbye my lover.. N
HAPPY 8YEARS 11MONTHSARY..

2011-12-04T00:38:00.001+08:00

Papa..
3rd of dec..
E 1st time we ate our supper
Wif Syukri along..
An empty seat was jus beside me..
N I noe it's meant for u.. Papa..
*hug*

2011-12-01T22:13:00.001+08:00

Seeing loving couples..
Every single day..
Some studying together..
Some accompany dem home..
Making surprises for each other..
Having their love ones by their side..
Laughing n having great time..
Riding and fetching dem..
Holding hands.. Forehead kiss..
The hugs and most of all..
Being dere for each other..

Moments I wish to have n last forever..

2011-11-30T00:38:00.001+08:00

Papa..
How long can I accpt e fact tat u r totally physically can't b wif me in years to cum..
Papa..
Till now I keep reminding myself tat ur working overtime n will b cuming back e next morning..
Papa..
Accepting Wat god have given me in enduring all e challenges in life make me stronger..
But how long will it last?
How am I gonna b fine if e best part
Was always u, papa..
Papa..
I cried every nite..
Feeling e loneliness I hv to face..
Papa..
I miss u deeply in my heart..
No1 noes xcpt u n HIM..
Papaaaaaa.......

2011-11-20T21:48:00.001+08:00

Papa..
He turn me from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan..
Papa..
I've changed ever since I meet him..
I've changed ever since he accepted me..
I've change ever since u left me but his still dere rite beside me..
Papa..
Ppl out dere love e way I look n e way I am now.. Dey were amazed on how I change physically..
But he was e 1st person to witness all of it... N I noe he knew it..
Papa..
Things didnt go e way we wanted at times but No matter how silly, stupid or pointless I am.. His still dere sitting patiently beside me..
Papa.. deres nvr at times he left me all alone.. N I didnt wan it to happen in reality coz I can't afford to lose him anymore..
Papa.. I jus want him to noe tat ever since u left me papa.. I need him...
Every minutes, secs, days, weeks n years to cum...
Papa.. I love him..

2011-11-20T05:57:00.001+08:00

Papa.. He left me.. :'(

2011-11-17T12:23:00.001+08:00

I will
B a hot mama in e future..
No makcik2!!
Rite papa!!!

2011-11-16T10:20:00.001+08:00

Papa.. Dey say I deserve sm1 better.. Dey say I've to stop all my effort in jus making things rite.. Papa.. I can't afford to regain n strt another relationship.. I don't wanna experience another new heart pain.. I had enough Aldy.. Papa.. Help me Papa...*hug*

2011-11-13T22:39:00.001+08:00

Papa.. Tnite was e nite tat I won't ever forget.. E day tat my future has been ask by Ibu.. Nvr tot tat she was reli keen in knowing watever my feelings is abt my future.. RELATIONSHIP & LOVE was e topic she asked.. Papa.. Ibu told me all she wan, was a man who is able to take care of me n e family.. E only thing she asked from a man who's gonna b my future was to lead me e rite way in achieving a better life and he shd put religious stuff as a priority.. Papa.. It is abt time for me to face e fact tat I'm matured enough and shd hv sm1 in my life whos gonna love me for e rest of his life.. Papa.. Is tis e reason of u meeting him n is he e one??

2011-11-13T06:32:00.001+08:00

Papa... I can't bear another day w/o him by my side... I really can't papa.. Even thou how hard I need to understand who he really was.. But My heart, mind, body n soul r totally stuck to his.. Papa.. We have been together since our teens years.. We hv grown up together n hv been learning all e pain n happiness in a relationship.. No matter how difficult we was handling all e different kinds of obstacles and pain but we noe tat we r dere for each other.. Papa.. My love story was a learning journey towards life.. ( I was given 2 lovely man in my life.. One is papa & one is him.. I've lost papa and only given a complete of 20 years to feel all e love.. But I don't wanna lose him and wanting all my entire life to b wif him papa...) pls god.. Don't take away my love ones coz u noe I'm not strong enough... Pls.. 😭 *hug*

2011-11-12T23:56:00.001+08:00

I'm in need of him b4 he left me for e next 9 months..

2011-11-11T22:42:00.001+08:00

Papa.. Y does my nite r always dull unlike 2 years ago... Y does I always feel tat deres no1 who love me.. Y does I feel tat I'm useless in sm1 life.. Papa.. It's aldy been 2 years u left me but I still can't get over it.. Papa.. Dey always stress e word of "moving on" but actually dey don't understand wat r e things tat im going tru.. Dey can say all tat coz dey hv a complete family.. A person who doesn't put demselves in others shoe will always say things to make demselves feel better.. Papa.. Y am I a person who always b dere for dem wen dey r down.. But dey nvr make e move.. Papa.. Am I being to much.. Papa.. I nvr ever prepare or even think of losing u.. We hv made a lot of agreement in life.. U hv promise me to be dere wif my future man.. Papa.. I can't bear another day w/o u... * hug*

2011-11-11T00:07:00.001+08:00

Wen will I have a lovely date again... Miss all e fun being in a relationship..

2011-11-09T23:54:00.001+08:00

Ppl out dere r starting to earn something for their life.. N I'm here still studying.. Expenses fully covered by Ibu.. Nvm.. E time is not here yet.. It's ok anah..

2011-11-08T23:00:00.001+08:00

Papa.. Y am I feeling so different aftr wat was been told.. I was totally proud of him.. Seeing him achieve smthing in life was wat I've always wanted.. Papa.. Will u accmpnt my sleepless nite?? Papa.. I dont wanna lose him.. Seeing him go by not holding me in his arms was painful.. Papa.. I've nvr felt like tis before.. Loving sm1 wif all my heart... HAPPY 8YEARS 10 MONTHSARYY!!!

2011-11-06T21:50:00.002+08:00

Papa..
e smile ive put truout e day..
But..
e day wasn't been e same..
ive lost u entirely...
*hug*

2011-10-29T02:28:00.002+08:00

its 2am..
back from an event in schl..
hd fun wif gerlfrens..

heading to wedd tis morning..
leaving at 7am..
5hrs of sleep is all i have..
cya den!

(papa... i think..
i hv to face e fact tat i might need to leave smthing behind..
or letting go of smthing..
but im not sure wat..
but i can sense it...
papa...)

2011-10-24T21:02:00.002+08:00

dey hv been asking where hv he been to..
dey hv been asking why isnt he dere for me..
dey hv been asking wen does he do meetup wif me..
dey hv been asking why am i letting him be in his own world..
dey hv been asking why is he meeting his fren more frequent den me..

papa..
no matter how many times dey ask or even talk abt it..
all i cld do was jus smile..
deres no specific sentence or word that i could xplain..
if i do xplain wif wat my hearts tells me to..
dey will nvr stop arguing wif me..
wanting me to alwys win in any of e situation..
and making him put me as e 1st in e list..

such question hv alwys been asked wenever dey c me all alone..
but i jus dont noe y..
tat i cant react much if he doesn't wan me to b by his side..
i told dem.. he have his fren to cathup..
if by meeting dem makes him happy..
im glad tat he reli does!
as long as he noes to take very good care of himself..

to dem its super ridiculous..
to me..
im giving all e trust i have for him..
if i doesn't give e full attention,hopes, faith n trust..
den wat am i doing in his life..
i was put to tis relationship for a reasons..
n tat xplains everything ive did for him..
ive accepted him.. so ive to endure or even adapt to any changes tat might happen..

dey even said to me wats gonna happen if..
all my efforts ive put in will b useless and he nvr c a single bit of it..

ive prayed for e best and i will nvr stop amends things
in order to prevent any complications..
if things doesn't go our way..
well...deres nothing much i can say..
myb.. deres a reasons to what bring us tis far..

papa..
u met him for a reasons..
i believe in u papa..
coz u noe wats e best for me..
im left wif him for entire of my life..

2011-10-22T00:38:00.001+08:00

papa......

2011-10-19T00:35:00.002+08:00

papa...
wat n how can i help him..
papa..
i will try wats e best for him..
papa..
i will do my part for him..
papa..
u will support me rite papa..
*hug*

2011-10-16T23:03:00.004+08:00

End of my 46 days of hols!!
everything hv to b early..
sleep early, wake up early..
but nvrm!
tat 46 days r totally enough for me..
iv use it wisely..
catching up wif my peeps,fam,love ones n even myself..
iv tried my best..
givng all e time i hd jus for dem...
hope iv made their days!!

however! eventhou im busy wif schl stuff..
but i still gonna enjoy any free time i hd..
hangout wif peeps..
oh yar! gonna strt work soon..
jus a simple one..

so yar! gonna end my dAY wif a few sneak peaks of e photoshoot i did..
enjoy... hope ive do it well!

2011-10-15T11:38:00.001+08:00

a photo during my 1st year attending
culinary course!!
pizza made wif our own dough..
jus love e way i look in tis pic.. so flawless..
hmmm..

2011-10-15T00:30:00.003+08:00

WoW!!!
we all hv really grown up!!
seeing n realising n knowing most of my school mates...
engaged,married,waiting for a child..
and even getting into new relationship aftr another..
SUPER amazing..
how life hv change us tat fast..

i cant c where i stand in my life..
all wanna do now is make ibu happy..
my love story has been up n downs like totally..
knowing each other sincerely n wats e best i can do is..
putting all e effort i hv and pray for all e good times..

im amazed how my mates r BRAVE enough to go tru or being to e next big step in life..
dey hv worked hard to achieve it and yeah..
dey meet nice ppl who make thier life like a BEAUTY QUEEN..

ive nvr ask much from HIM..
all i wan was e direction and giving me e courage to move on wif wat i cld in my life without PAPA..

papa..
no doubt..
I LOVE HIM...
i hope made him feel special wen im arnd..
his alwys been in my prayers for YEARS...

2011-10-14T00:06:00.005+08:00

Fri lunch date wif him!!!
hope my presence will make his day!!

Outfit for e day..
not sure gonna dressup wif my rust pants....

or my black n white jersey..

hmm....
gonna dress well for him tho!

2011-10-13T23:36:00.006+08:00

My very 1st TENNIS shoe!!!
wohooo!!!
traning will strt once schl reopen!!
wohooo!!
shoe was by KATY PERRY!!!

2011-10-13T19:06:00.001+08:00

heart: where r u?? I misses u..
Me: his dere.. He misses u too..
Heart: where hv u been??
Me: his alwys dere in ur heart..
Heart: but i still miss u..
Me: he misses u e most..

Baby... My heart keep asking abt u every single day..

2011-10-11T07:23:00.003+08:00

BEST DREAM EVERRRR!!!!
Wohooooo!!!!
Met CHRIS BROWN!!!!!
tis is how e story goes!! Heheh!!!

I was comin in to e carpark n saw him wif his gerl, KT!
Dey were both sitting on one of e seats nearby..
I cant believe my eyes..
Once parked,i came down directly to where dey r..
However,saw dem along e pathway instead!!
N i shout his name!

Me: Hey chris!!
Brown: YEAH!!
Me: can do me a favour bro!
Brown: YEAH!! (adjusting his hoodie,coming towrds me)
Me: can we take some pictures? (using KT ipad)
Brown: sure!!
Me: ive been waiting for tis to happen for 22years!
Brown: reli! Now im here rite!
Me: yeah! Hahah! Ive been contcting u tru fb n i put in at ur wall post rmmbr!
Brown: ooo! So u r e ANNAH TRIALOVATO!
Me: YEAHHH!!!!

So we took pictures aloot!! Hahah!
N suddenly he tickle me n was like amazed!!
Wen i look back! Guess wat! I saw poji!!! Hahhah!!
N no chris brown!! Haaahha!! Tats how it ends! Super shocked!
Now whoes my CHRIS BROWN huh!!! Hahahahaah!!
E best part is! E place was happen to b at BEDOK!! Hahahha!!!
Hahahahahaahaahaha!!!!

2011-10-08T01:12:00.001+08:00

i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u....

2011-10-07T16:30:00.002+08:00

i hope u r doing fine..
everyday n years to come..
eventhou wen im not wif u..
i noe u will alwys be..
HAPPY 8YEARS 9MONTHSARY...
sori cant be dere for u.

he still love me rite papa...
he wont leave me rite papa..
his love r still strong for me rite papa..

2011-10-05T17:52:00.000+08:00

remember tis...

2011-10-05T16:08:00.001+08:00

i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u.....

LOVE is jus crazy...

2011-10-05T15:41:00.002+08:00

since im left with few more days b4 schl strt!!
Gonna record down wat im doing for e next upcoming days..
Mon:
-did facial
-stayed at hm e whole day
Tue:
-went to schl to collect stuff
-movie wif him
-unplanned dinner at simpang wif him
-played games till 1am
-dozed off aftr texting him
Wed:
-do housework
-watched tv n breakfast
-do housework again
-watched tv n lunch
-bored,fb,games
-watch tv n games till 1am again huh!

To b cont....

2011-10-05T12:23:00.003+08:00

dont tell me fri is e last day we gonna meet b4 i srt schl..
haiz...
it not enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!
relax anah chill....
haiz...

2011-10-05T05:49:00.002+08:00

papa..
Ive to adapt to all changes in my life..
Ive to accpt to all changes in my life..
Ive to bear to all changes in my life..
But y cnt some ppl do such thing jus for me..
Its not fair for me to do such things again for e sake of
sm1's benefit..
E words dey used n say it out to me was harsh n hurts me..
Which dey dont realise at all..
Y cnt dey make changes in e way dey treat me..
To ensure tat im always smiling n happy..
But dey nvr!
Fine im sensative! Tats wat dey blame me of instead of
making changes n make me happy..
Papa..
Its not fair...
:'(((...

2011-10-04T23:17:00.002+08:00

papa..
i cried everynite..
letting all my sorrow out..
At times i jus cried for nothing..
My tears will jus keeps rolling down..
My heart keep beating fast as deres no life left for me..
papa..
im truly missing u..
i miss e love of a FATHER..
at times ive no idea wat im doing everyday..
it seems deres no direction in life..
papa..
dey dont understand wat im facing n going tru..
to dem its normal wen u lost sm1..
but dey dont noe tat all my life was equip by having u arnd all my life..
ive lost a FATHER..
tats wat dey dont understand...
papa...
it unbearable...
*hug*
AM I BEING TOO MUCH...

2011-10-04T22:55:00.002+08:00

to be frank..
im afraid of losing u...
:(

2011-10-02T16:06:00.000+08:00

best love comes with best hearts..

2011-10-01T22:40:00.003+08:00

My October!

2011-09-30T16:05:00.000+08:00

We r so alike!!
luv u baby!

2011-09-29T00:35:00.000+08:00

HEARTs means everything..
luv u baby...
*hug*

2011-09-28T21:58:00.002+08:00

oh Allah..
Pls show me e way n direction..
I wanna b e best for him..
I wanna b e one he cld ever imagine..
I wan him to be proud in wat ever i do..
I wan him to feel special wenever im arnd..
Papa..
I cant bear to lose another love..
He is e only one ive known so far..
N i noe u met him..
N im sure u like him too..
Papa.. *hug*

2011-09-28T00:58:00.002+08:00

we hv an awesome nite in e car...
i miss all e long chat we use to hv on the phone..
but tnite was GREAT!! eye on eye chats!
wish to take pic wif his iphone but.. nvrm.. nxt time i guess...
thx for being e best company ever!!
hearts...

2011-09-27T13:06:00.002+08:00

Getting bored...
feel like uploading tis silly photo..
'____'
having another half month of hols left b4 schl strt!!
cant wait but nervous at e same time..
heheh!! adious!! im off!!

2011-09-26T14:45:00.002+08:00

Ok ppl!!
im sooo gonna grab tis cute little pink stuff!!
its basically a facial sponge for makeup application..
ive been seeing reviews abt it at utube..
n even my gf use it n it gve perfect results!
so cant wait to grab it n try it right away..
hehhe!!
well.. most celeb r using it so y dont i gif it a try!..
its so adorable!

2011-09-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

wheres my baby...
R u hm yet...
:(

2011-09-18T19:22:00.003+08:00

papa..
u noe how i feel every single nite..
u noe how my heart hurts every single nite..
u noe how i felt towrds him every single nite..
and u met him papa...

Will he b my future??
papa *hug*

2011-09-14T20:26:00.002+08:00

papa...
His struggling wif his life now..
I wish i cld help him in any form..
But i myself need help..
Papa..
I can c it tru his eyes..
His trying to make a better life for himself n future..
All i can do was jus pray for him..
N support wat his doing..
I noe i can b dere wen he need me for a long period..
I'll try to help as much as i cld..
Jus for him...
*hug*

2011-09-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

Our very 1st raya pic..

2011-09-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

papa...
I miss him badly...
*sobs*

2011-09-09T13:11:00.002+08:00

papa..
i truly n sincerely miss him alooooot...
all of my heart misses his...
E love has always been stronger..
i met some other guys..
but deres no one like him..

2011-09-09T02:03:00.004+08:00

papa...
I cant sleep.. *hug*

Ive tried e best i cld..
But it seems tat i nvr tried enough..
Papa...
Ive tried to b strong..
But im not e same person i am previously..
Papa...
Y cant i b e same...
I dont want ppl to force demselve to adapt to my life..
Papa..
I dont wanna burden other ppl's life..
Papa..
Im an orphanage..
N im supposed to support myself..
Mentally n physically..
Papa..
Y u leave me wen u noe im weak w/o u...
Im sori...
Ppl r sick n tired of me...
N i feel bad papa...

2011-09-06T17:57:00.000+08:00

Sneak peak of tmr outfit!!!!
jus collected tdy!
hope i look great with it...

2011-09-05T23:51:00.002+08:00

papa...
My pain for e whole 2years of waiting for him..
Gonna end soon...
After which he gonna face e real world of his future..

Being wif him truout his 2years of service was a BIG challenge..
Enduring all e misses i had towards him..
Keeping myself calm wenever i heard any negative stuff..
Praying for his safetyness everynite..

My story line of having sm1 special in ns was totally diff..
Ppl use to say tat, he will call u evrysingle nite jus to tell
u how much he needs u or misses u..
He will ensure tat all his off day gonna b our dates..
He will wanna spent every minits he have wif sm1 he loves..
But! I dont get such mmts...

He was committed wif looooots of stuff truout his services..
He wasnt dere much wif me..
He rarely texts me n calls me wenever he feels like..
He doesnt hv much free time jus for me..
Things wasnt reli in our way...

But ive prayed to stay strong n trust him as much as i cld
as his special one.. Coz i noe tat i'll b e one he will turn to..
No matter how long it takes for him to get tru me..
I'll wait... Eventhou it killing me softly deep inside..

Ppl told me how stupid i am..
But i noe myself very well..
Once i got my gold,i nvr gonna leave it even a sec..
So if he hurt me or anything.. He gonna lose tat gold!

But papa..
Do i still have to endure such mmts again..
If this keeps going after his 2years??
Will he b wif me n love me like our schl dys??
Will he rarely texts me?? Will he??
Papa...
*hug*

2011-09-03T23:52:00.002+08:00

Papa..
tis year raya..
i reli feel e lost..
we use to share funny stuff everynite..
now..
everynite was full of silence..

Papa..
till now i tell myself tat ur working overtime..
n i keep telling myself tat u`ll b back e next morning..
n if ur not at home..
i tell myself tat..
u jus leave hm for work..
n tis keeps playing tru my mind every single day papa..
jus to keep myself sure tat u r always ok...
In fact, u r no longer by my side...
:(

2011-09-03T23:43:00.002+08:00

2011-09-03T01:55:00.001+08:00

2011-09-02T02:46:00.000+08:00

2011-08-31T02:31:00.001+08:00

2011-08-27T18:24:00.003+08:00

so yeah!!!
did highlights recently!! golden medium brown!!
super like it!!
im gonna stick to tis colour.. love it..

now in my mind was having tis perm soon!!! WAKAKAAKAK!!!!!!

watch out ppl!!!
im gonna rock my hair!! hahahah!!!

2011-08-27T01:11:00.002+08:00

Papa..
At times i jus feel..
I dont even noe wat im doing in my life..

Every movement i did..
Every step i take..
Every decision i made..

Im like doing it without any directions..

2011-08-26T00:49:00.002+08:00

Bought myself a new platform sandal...
been waiting a brown or red ones..
but too bad.. all sold out!
but tis reli caught my eye..
w/o thinking jus paid for it..
n wore it right away..

but im not sure if i did look good wif it..
been asking ppls opinion truout e whole journey..
as usual..
confidence is alwys e problems..
but i hope i look ok wif it..
papa..*hug*

2011-08-25T01:15:00.000+08:00

2011-08-21T00:09:00.001+08:00

ya.. Thx for giving me such a 'gooooood' life...
U ppl r jus giving ibu n me a hard time!!
May god blessed u......

2011-08-19T00:25:00.002+08:00

HIGHLIGHTssss!!!
still considering on the colours to go wif my black hair!!
tot of hving dark red/maroon or myb dark brown/blonde...
but im still gonna perm it!
so shd b highlighting it 1st den perm it yooo!

2011-08-16T18:03:00.003+08:00

My new FOUNDATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i jus LOVE it much den my other normal foundation!!
e makeup artist was very patience wif me.. wif my dark skin tone n my flaws!!
i jus love how she handle my face n keep giving me advice on how to look great wit it!
im so blessed!!
here a pic to prove how happy i am! heheh!

2011-08-14T21:50:00.002+08:00

FLEA!!!
was an awesome day wif miera n sal!!
vintage top for both..
and vintage earring n headband...

items:
-feather print outwear $12
-caramel vintage oversize blouse $9
-gold vintage earring $1
-multi colour headband 50cent!!!

2011-08-13T21:16:00.002+08:00

Hi!
tdy was great!
Shopping haul for festive tis year...
went wif mom and 2nd sis!!

Ive requested to have a vintage kinda of look for tis raya..
asking mom favour to design me an outfit out of it..
so she had design it for me! it was wat hv ever wanted..
so was doing some research from the net of wat kinda of design n colours to choose!
1stly, i was like having LEOPARD PRINT for the top of the outfit..
n mom was like! WAAAAAT!!!! rubbish!! hahhah!!

But,But,BUT!!!
guess wat! after showing her a pic which inspired me..
she surprised me with a LEOPARD PRINT cloth to be sew!!
i was like.... WAAAAAT!!! reli!!!
so yar!
immediately we grab some cloth to go along for the bottom..
so here it is! and e pic which inspired me!! cant wait for it to be sew!!

VINTAGE LOOK- RAYA 2011!!

2011-08-12T05:44:00.003+08:00

papaaaaaaaa.....
Everything is too much for me....
Papaaaaa....
Everyone are happy enjoying their own life..
Deciding wat good for dem and future...
Papaaaaaaa....
Since young im unable to do wat i like freely...
Till now when u left me....
Papaaaaaa...
Things r not getting my way...
Papaaaaaaa....
Am i good enough for everyone????
Papaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..........
:(

2011-08-12T02:54:00.002+08:00

no one is dere whos gonna help u..
Wen u face any problems, obstacles or anything..
Dey can only advice u..
N u r gonna make it rite!
Dey hv their own life to handle..
So be it, ANNAH!!!
Not even ur fam,ur husband!
Its you...

2011-08-08T23:19:00.002+08:00

no matter how many gerls out dere r trying to get you...
i noe ive done e best for u..
eversince i was given the 2nd chance..
making u happy n making ur day wonderful..
was wat i priorities..
no matter how imperfect i am..
i`ll make sure im perfect for u..

HAPPY 8YEARS 7MONTHSARRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
(papa told me no matter wat happen make sure u did ur best..
ive been doing it papa...)

2011-08-06T10:50:00.002+08:00

i was kinda worried with this issues..
saying abt an..
health effects on non-smokers who kiss a smoker!!
thats a good issues to discuss but might affect others deeply too..
especially me! oh dear!
ppl all noe the bad effects in health for all smokers and all the disgusting
physical appearance that changed smokers..
like bad breath, yellow teeth n etc!
but ppl still smoke..

To me, i c a point whereby its not fair to dose who are non-smokers
who wanted to live a healthy, long life but being destroy by a smokers..
its sad!

ive done research and they says that
a study shows that cigarette smoke change smoker`s saliva and produce free radicals which are super harmful to the body..
plus nicotine presences do effect the man semen`s!!!
oh dear!! so dont blame the women yeah!

but its sad if u have deeply fall in love wif someone..
u can call it a husband but he smoke!!
den wat good will it bring to e future!
haizz.. now tis makes me more uncomfortable n worried..

when you are intimate wif someone..
everything dey do becomes what you do...
deres also a saying...
"kissing a smoker is like licking an ash tray!" damn!!

Thats why campaign for anti-smoker keeps going on..
in order to help dem and also ppl arnd dem!...
wanting to ask smokers to quit its kinda hard..
if u noe him as a smokers before accepting him..
but to me...
i`ll nvr stop reminding him,supporting him and to ensure his back to normal..

so now!!
no more kissing till he entirely quit for himself and others too..

my parents are non-smokers..
so i wan my child in e future to b proud of their parents
of not being a smokers!!!

2011-08-03T04:55:00.002+08:00

He told me to go wif another guy...
He dont mind wat i do to myself...
Coz all he wan was my fren not me anymore...
He left me for her..
He say im too naive for him to handle...
Oh dear... :(

2011-07-31T01:38:00.002+08:00

we met and end our day at 12am..
we gonna b busy wif our own stuff..
meeting up
might be rarely to happen due to fasting month..
ppl find it unreasonable of
me not meeting him during tat month..
ppl can say wat dey wan
but me n him had nvr faced any problems of not meeting up..
its aldy a routine everysingle year..
as a couple we noe wat is good n bad for each other..
we agreed n no arguments happen..
watever it is i noe HE dere watching us n wanting e best for us..
ive always pray e best for us n showing us e right path in leading the happiness..

papa..
ibu told me b4 that she prayed for my future..
ibu told me tat she prayed for me in having or meet a guy who is holy..
not wanting to b a holy *shit* but a moderate one..
to ensure that he is dere to show guidance for me in e future..
ibu says one he have this..
all possible negative outcomes can b resolved..
papa..
i noe u met him before n i saw u met him too..
if his e one, i noe u will b e happiest dad ever..
papa..
once i got my man..
ive aldy promised to myself to visit u right away
once e man proposed to me..

2011-07-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

Another 1month we have to endure all e pain of love...
spent the 2 days meeting up,catching up and sharing stories..
yesterday n tnite was e end of the day of this month..
RAMADHAN is cuming right away..
as usual tis 1 month hv been bread n butter in our relationship..
However, tis year gonna b a hectic month as caught up wif projets,revising n exam!

For this cuming month...

i wish all e best in wat u have engage wif..
i hope i make ur short 2 days meetup a memorable n smthin tat u hv been looking forward to..
i hope i look great for both days..its meant for u..
pls ride safely coz ur sm1 i adore..
pls3 take very good care of urself wen im no more by ur side..

u told me..
this whole cuming month..
ur unable to take very care of me..
dont wory! pray e best for u, me n wat we have for e past 8years!

but pls kiss me, hug me, goodnight n goodlight

2011-07-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

Wed n Thurs...
gonna b e last 2 days we meet up..
Fasting month will strt on 1st august..
left wif a day to repay my fast..
hoping to spent e rest of e days at...
Marina bay sands(wed) to witness e nite life wif him..
PR(thurs)our very 1st meet up once attached...

Papa..
tis year festive we have planned to dress up..
using ur fave colour which is red..
Papa..
we noe u gonna b wif us truout RAMADAN..
Papa..
i wish my last meet up wif him..
would b a good end for the month...
i will not have u and him being dere by my side..
Papa..
pls meet me everysingle nite...
*hug*

2011-07-24T01:52:00.002+08:00

papa..
Sm ppl told me im too good to ppl..
Sm ppl told me im too naive..
Sm ppl told me i dont enjoy my life like others do..
Sm ppl told me ppl r taking advntage of my kindness
which i dont realise it..

Papa..
I cant change who i am now..
Eversince i lost u..
Ive told myself to do good stuff to ppl..
Treat like its gonna b e last day we meet tat person..
Give e best for tat person..
N i nvr ask for any returns..
Eventhough sm ppl say no1 will repay ur kindness..
N dey say im being ridiculous..

Papa..
I dont mind of dey wont treat me well
as long as i make tat person's day..
Coz i believe Allah love ppl who good deeds to others..
N Allah will keep in a safe place..
Like he love u more..
Papa..
Once allah love me like he loves u..
Im sure ppl arnd me will rmmbr my good deeds..
Eventhough im not dere physically..
Coz i will b wif u by den..

2011-07-21T21:13:00.002+08:00

papa..
after 2 years u left me..
i cant get over it..
papa...
i cried, every single nite..
waiting for u by e door..
i cried, every single day i walk back hm..
papa...
i jus dont noe wat to do every weekend..
once awake from sleep..
papa...
i jus wanna follow u..
where ever u go..
no1 needs me..
no1 wants me..
i cant depend on others to make me happy..
i jus cant do it for myself..
papa..
i cant xpect him to b dere for me if he cant..
i cant force him to b dere for me if he doesn't..
papa..
i dont wanna trouble dem wif my life..
papa..
im lonely in my own life...
i wanna meet u...
:(

2011-07-21T20:25:00.002+08:00

walking all alone..
Papa..
I nvr feel so lonely like tis b4...
Tis loneliness kills me deeply...
Papa...
U noe i need u everyday of my life...
Now im all on my own...
*hug*

2011-07-16T01:04:00.002+08:00

aftr 8 years!! we ride!! heheh!!

2011-07-08T13:44:00.003+08:00

will alwys b e one u turn to..
Will alwys b e aweaome one for u..
Will alwys look gorgeous jus for u..

Eventhough im not perfect..
I'll alwys improve...
(e photoshoot its for u baby.. Sori im still not perfect for u)

HAPPYYYYY 8YEARSSSSS 6MONTHSARYYYYY!!
Tellmeifimnotgoodforu

2011-07-06T21:57:00.002+08:00

venue: Marina bay sand
Outfit:
-Plain white tee
-Mum`s Vintage Red blazer
-Acid jeans
- Grey Wedges
- Papa`s watch
- Cuff bracelet
Photographer: Sofian, Martin & Zyratul

New experience gain..
New scenary...
New friendship gain..
New challenge..

Despite all e..
fake eyelash tat i hv to wear
that might have spoilt my looks..
doing all e makeup by myself..
that might looks pale at times..
sitting on e railing..
that reli scares me but i`v push myself to e limits n b brave..
eyes was kinda e sleepy as always..
night shots for more den 3hrs..
keep myself laughing for e expression..

Overall!! its was awesome..
Credits to all photographers..
dey have been patience in order to keep me in place
as i keep fidgeting..
ensuring im not tired..
makes me comfortable..
eventhough at times i felt tat i might spoilt their day wif my poses..

Lastly, gave me e best shot specially for papa!!!
ive been waiting to do this pose jus for him wif his watch..

The watch which was supposed to b wore on our Genting family outing..
The watch which was a gift for his 48th birthday..
The watch which he didnt even gif a sense of touch..
papa.. this is for u.. *hug*

2011-07-03T06:25:00.002+08:00

c'mon ANAH!!!
U dont have to pretend to b strong like u use too..
If u cant den dont force urself...
U dont hv to do things to please others..
If dey dont c it jus dont do it for dem again n again!
c'mon ANAH!!
HE might hv plan a better one for u..
Jus b patience but dont pretend..
Dey r e one who shd realise e change tat u hv to alter..
Dey r e one who shd noe wat u might b facing in years to come..
If dey r not dere dont wait for dem!
Dey dont deserve it!
c'mon ANAH!!
Wake up! U dont hv to b e same anah..
Truout ur entire life..
If dey cant accept ur life den fuck it!

Papa told u b4..
HE plan everything..
We did our part..
Dey dont realise it..
Let dem b..
Afterall, its dem not u!!

Papaaaaaa..... *hug*
im left all aloneeee....